I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve looked at a friend—or a mirror—and sighed, "I’m just really bad at making decisions." We say it like it’s a personality trait, like having brown eyes or a bad sense of direction. We wear it as a label that explains why our lives feel like they are currently on "pause."
But I want to tell you something that might feel a little strange, maybe even a bit challenging:
You aren't actually bad at decisions. In fact, you are probably very good at them. You’re just doing something else entirely.I don’t know if this will help, but think about all the decisions you’ve already made today. You chose when to get out of bed. You chose which shoes to wear. You chose to open this book and read these specific words. You made these choices without a committee, without a pros and cons list, and without a panic attack.
So, the "muscle" of decision-making clearly works. You aren't broken. You don't have a missing gear in your brain. What’s actually happening is that when it comes to the big things—the ones that keep you awake—you aren't looking for a decision. You are looking for a guarantee.
Most of us were raised in a world that treated life like a multiple-choice test. There was always a correct answer hidden among the distractors. If you studied hard enough, analyzed the data long enough, and listened to the experts, you could find the "A" and avoid the "F."
So now, when you’re standing at a crossroads in your life—a career change, a relationship question, a big move—you are approaching it with that same student-like anxiety. You aren't trying to decide; you are trying to solve. You are waiting for that moment of "Click"—the moment where one path lights up in neon and the other fades into shadows. You want to be 100% sure before you move your foot.
But life isn't a test. And the hesitation you feel? It’s not a flaw. It’s actually a very high-functioning defense mechanism.
I think it’s important to be honest here: your hesitation is trying to protect you. It’s trying to save you from regret. It’s trying to shield you from the pain of a mistake. Your brain is essentially saying, "As long as we don't choose, we are safe from the consequences of choosing wrong." It’s a very smart, very tired part of you that just wants to keep you from getting hurt.
It’s a bit strange, but your stuckness is a form of self-love. It’s just an exhausted kind of love.When I first started using Tarot, I used it as a search engine for "The Right Answer." I’d shuffle the cards and pray they’d tell me exactly what to do so I could stop feeling responsible for the outcome. I wanted the Hierophant to give me the rulebook, or the Wheel of Fortune to just turn in the direction I was too scared to pick.
But the cards never gave me a "Yes" or a "No" that felt like a guarantee. Instead, they’d show me something like the Seven of Cups—all those floating cups in the clouds, filled with dragons, and jewels, and ghosts. It was like the deck was saying: "Look at all these options. Look at how much you're imagining. You aren't bad at deciding; you're just overwhelmed by the beauty and the terror of all these potential lives."
I want you to take a breath and consider this: What if there is no "right" answer?
What if you choose Path A, and it’s hard, but you grow? And what if you choose Path B, and it’s also hard, but you grow in a different way? If both paths lead to growth, then the pressure to find the "perfect" one starts to dissolve. It’s like taking a heavy backpack off after a long hike. You realize that the "Right Answer" was a ghost you were chasing—a ghost that was keeping you paralyzed in the woods.
You aren't bad at decisions. You are just a person who deeply values their own life. You are someone who wants to do right by themselves and the people they love. That’s a beautiful thing. It’s not something that needs to be "fixed."
Instead of trying to become a "decisive person," what if you just tried to be a "brave enough" person? Bravery doesn't mean the hesitation goes away. It doesn't mean the fear of being wrong disappears. It just means you stop waiting for the guarantee that isn't coming.
It’s okay to be unsure. It’s okay to feel the fear behind your hesitation. It’s okay to not have the 'perfect' reason yet.I don’t know if this will help, but sometimes I tell myself: "I am making the best decision I can with the information I have right now." That’s all any of us are doing. Even the people who look "decisive" and "confident" are just making a guess and hoping for the best. They’ve just gotten more comfortable with the possibility of being wrong.
We’re going to work on how to move, even when the fog hasn't cleared. But for today, I just want you to stop calling yourself "bad at decisions." You’ve survived every "wrong" decision you’ve ever made to get to this point. You’re still here. You’re still whole.
You’re not broken. You’re just standing at the edge of a choice, and it’s a big one, and it’s natural to feel the weight of it. Give yourself permission to be a person who feels things deeply, rather than a machine that needs to calculate correctly.
...
(Next time you feel stuck, try to remember:
you aren't failing a test. You’re just living a life.)
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